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E. H. Lau's avatar

Interesting concept!

But I felt that the more... flowery narration for some of events that were being described vaguely made it hard to read through at times. (This is subjective, of course.)

The part where the entity was about to control the man driving the car only to find that it had lost its power and the part it figured out that it could devour plant life first were well done!

Sorry, not sure if any of that was helpful, since this story has already been published in a book, and it's been nearly three years... 😅

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Reina Cruz's avatar

I'm noting it. I've been working on my flowery narration a bit, studying poetry to have another tool in my tool belt.

Glad the scene with the flower works!

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E. H. Lau's avatar

Oooh, I've kinda been doing that too, ever since studying the Ballad of Mulan for my short story opened me up to poetry in general! 😄 (Though, it's more of a... as-it-comes approach right now, rather than me seeking them out, lol.)

I have shared this before (I made a whole song inspired by it 😅), so my apologies if you're already read it, but one of my favourites that I've come across recently is '“Hope” is the thing with feathers' by Emily Dickinson: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/42889/hope-is-the-thing-with-feathers-314

Any particular poems that you found helpful so far, if you want to share?

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Reina Cruz's avatar

I don't think I've found one yet. I'll check out enjoy Feathers. I used to read Emily Dickinson, it's been awhile

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