Of course, the premise is that these three people are (separately, I think) talking to an interviewer after many years - so they would be a bit detached from the events after all that time.
But I also didn't really know much about Hannah's case at the beginning, except that she had died while her three friends survived and that there are some unexplained mysteries behind her death. So the slow reveal and the detached nature of the narration made it a bit hard to be attached to the case and the characters - because I didn't really know what they were talking until the reveals.
The transition between Jeremy narrating about the night that they had Felix to what turned out to be a time skip also felt confusing to me. It goes from Jeremy talking about how they had ran out into the streets, to Sam and Leena talking about their relationship, and then to Sam talking about him finding Leena clingy before finally talking about going to a party alone. Starting with Sam talking about Leena's kiss right after Jeremy talked about how they had ran out into the streets made it sound like they were still talking about the same night.
Not using quotations marks also made it a bit confusing to read at times as well. I did mostly understand who was saying what, but one particular case jumped out at me - which was when Leena narrated "The others were so sure that her meek I don’t know… went unnoticed." It wasn't clear to me that Leena was saying that Hannah said "I don't know" meekly until much later. With the other cases, I think it made it harder to read than it needed to be.
I could definitely see why Leena, Jeremy, Sam, and Hannah grew dear to you over the course of writing this! But I feel that it doesn't come through because of the detached narration of the story (especially with regards to Hannah, who we barely know).
At least, those were my thoughts are reading the story, sorry if I was too critical or nitpick-y... 😅
It does build upon the intrigue of Marredbury, so I'm looking forward to reading more!
That was an interesting read!
However, it did feel very detached to me.
Of course, the premise is that these three people are (separately, I think) talking to an interviewer after many years - so they would be a bit detached from the events after all that time.
But I also didn't really know much about Hannah's case at the beginning, except that she had died while her three friends survived and that there are some unexplained mysteries behind her death. So the slow reveal and the detached nature of the narration made it a bit hard to be attached to the case and the characters - because I didn't really know what they were talking until the reveals.
The transition between Jeremy narrating about the night that they had Felix to what turned out to be a time skip also felt confusing to me. It goes from Jeremy talking about how they had ran out into the streets, to Sam and Leena talking about their relationship, and then to Sam talking about him finding Leena clingy before finally talking about going to a party alone. Starting with Sam talking about Leena's kiss right after Jeremy talked about how they had ran out into the streets made it sound like they were still talking about the same night.
Not using quotations marks also made it a bit confusing to read at times as well. I did mostly understand who was saying what, but one particular case jumped out at me - which was when Leena narrated "The others were so sure that her meek I don’t know… went unnoticed." It wasn't clear to me that Leena was saying that Hannah said "I don't know" meekly until much later. With the other cases, I think it made it harder to read than it needed to be.
I could definitely see why Leena, Jeremy, Sam, and Hannah grew dear to you over the course of writing this! But I feel that it doesn't come through because of the detached narration of the story (especially with regards to Hannah, who we barely know).
At least, those were my thoughts are reading the story, sorry if I was too critical or nitpick-y... 😅
It does build upon the intrigue of Marredbury, so I'm looking forward to reading more!
You make some good point! Not too critical or nitpicky at all. I'll have to continue messing this story. It'll be ready at come point! haha
Good luck! 😄