Gigi and her symbiotic relationship with her gardenias was a intriguing take on this type of story!
And the tie-in with the frame story was neat!
I did find the frame story a bit disjointed and a bit hard to parse at times though, sorry.
For example, I didn't quite understand that there had been two searches about ovarian cancer until I went back to take a look.
And I think that there might be too many things being shown?
For example, the John Benjamin urban legend and Mattham's Chicken don't seem to be related to this episode (and if they're set up for a future story, then I don't think most readers would remember them from the way that they have been presented here). Another example would be showing Carla's search for gardenias, when her message to Rashid with the search screenshot would have been enough without interrupting the flow of messages.
At least, those were the feelings I got as I was going through the frame story.
Sorry, that might have been a bit nitpick-y and not what you were looking for... 😅
Overall though, I find the story intriguing and engaging! 🙂
Nit pick away, especially with the stream. This is a whole new kind of storytelling for me, all feedback helps me learn and understand the nuance. The chicken ad was supposed to show Colby Corp's value of "family" and "togetherness" (whether you believe it or not is up to you), and provide dates for the reader to understand how long the corporation partnership had been going on to give readers an idea of how long the town has been around. Do you think that is unnecessary?
As for John Benjamin, that is a reference to the episode one, John is the guy that Alex stomps to death. I'll have to play with that to make that clear in the stream.
You have made some really thoughtful suggestions. I really do appreciate the time and thought you've put into your feedback. I welcome it!
If it's an important piece of worldbuilding, then I don't think it's unnecessary, per se - but I do feel that the ad doesn't communicate what you were trying to say very clearly.
Or maybe that's just me, and everyone else got it... 😅
Oh! That's who John Benjamin is?! 😱
That went right over my head, sorry... 😅
I think that it might have been better to place that at the end of the Episode 1 itself, like how you had the red gardenias show up in Carla's messages at the end of this episode. To me, when I saw that elements of the short stories that Carla had been decrypting were showing up in her "real world" as well for the first time with the red gardenias (because I had missed the John Benjamin one, and Episode 2's short story isn't available right now, I think? Good luck with the submission!), that's when I felt an even stronger tie between the two "worlds".
I will admit, though, that the time between when I had read Episodes 1 and 3 might have been more than a week? And I've never been that good at remembering the names of minor characters (in this case, minor as in the screentime, and not the role).
So, maybe that one's just a me-thing. 😅
It is definitely very intriguing to see "world" of the short stories and the "world" of the ColbyStreams collide - deepening the mysteries of Marredbury (both old and new) and Colby Corp! 😄
Gigi and her symbiotic relationship with her gardenias was a intriguing take on this type of story!
And the tie-in with the frame story was neat!
I did find the frame story a bit disjointed and a bit hard to parse at times though, sorry.
For example, I didn't quite understand that there had been two searches about ovarian cancer until I went back to take a look.
And I think that there might be too many things being shown?
For example, the John Benjamin urban legend and Mattham's Chicken don't seem to be related to this episode (and if they're set up for a future story, then I don't think most readers would remember them from the way that they have been presented here). Another example would be showing Carla's search for gardenias, when her message to Rashid with the search screenshot would have been enough without interrupting the flow of messages.
At least, those were the feelings I got as I was going through the frame story.
Sorry, that might have been a bit nitpick-y and not what you were looking for... 😅
Overall though, I find the story intriguing and engaging! 🙂
I'm glad to hear that!
Nit pick away, especially with the stream. This is a whole new kind of storytelling for me, all feedback helps me learn and understand the nuance. The chicken ad was supposed to show Colby Corp's value of "family" and "togetherness" (whether you believe it or not is up to you), and provide dates for the reader to understand how long the corporation partnership had been going on to give readers an idea of how long the town has been around. Do you think that is unnecessary?
As for John Benjamin, that is a reference to the episode one, John is the guy that Alex stomps to death. I'll have to play with that to make that clear in the stream.
You have made some really thoughtful suggestions. I really do appreciate the time and thought you've put into your feedback. I welcome it!
Ooooh, that's what the chicken ad was for!
If it's an important piece of worldbuilding, then I don't think it's unnecessary, per se - but I do feel that the ad doesn't communicate what you were trying to say very clearly.
Or maybe that's just me, and everyone else got it... 😅
Oh! That's who John Benjamin is?! 😱
That went right over my head, sorry... 😅
I think that it might have been better to place that at the end of the Episode 1 itself, like how you had the red gardenias show up in Carla's messages at the end of this episode. To me, when I saw that elements of the short stories that Carla had been decrypting were showing up in her "real world" as well for the first time with the red gardenias (because I had missed the John Benjamin one, and Episode 2's short story isn't available right now, I think? Good luck with the submission!), that's when I felt an even stronger tie between the two "worlds".
I will admit, though, that the time between when I had read Episodes 1 and 3 might have been more than a week? And I've never been that good at remembering the names of minor characters (in this case, minor as in the screentime, and not the role).
So, maybe that one's just a me-thing. 😅
It is definitely very intriguing to see "world" of the short stories and the "world" of the ColbyStreams collide - deepening the mysteries of Marredbury (both old and new) and Colby Corp! 😄